In the last episode, we enumerated the types of building blocks we need for great nations to emerge,
in this piece, we shall take two of such pillars: The family and Social Pillars.
Family is defined as a group of people related by marriage, blood or adoption.
This pillar, supply the most important raw material to every society and facet of life – human resources.
The quality of this unit eventually becomes the quality of any society, be it great or small in size.
To ignore this pillar, like we are doing currently in Nigeria, is to keep ourselves in perpetual bondage and
almost unbreakable cycle of woes.
How do we change our society by reclaiming our narratives from the home front?
At this stage, every child and members of the family learn first-hand from their parents or progenitors,
the exploits of their ancestors, the collaborative influence of such men that had lived before us, but
more importantly, some sows the seed of discord and communal bitterness into children at that tender,
trusting age, with outright lies and half-truths just to make the stories up and feel good or sound heroic.
That is a generational disservice.
These folklores that could have been a form of oral transmission of our values, challenges and victories
also, end up to be a form of transmission of our unfounded fears, hatred for other tribes and religion,
the purveyors of such prejudices usually, forget to add their personal short comings too. They're the
heroes of such stories, other people, tribe and religion are villains. This has created a victim mentality
across board and instead of bonding with other families, tribe and race, we have sown bitter tares that
is causing loss of lives almost daily, in our various communities.
Now, this very issue calls for tacts, in guiding the next generation aright, there’s need for truth being
told, forgiveness and carefulness being the watchword, but we need to ensure what is being passed
down from one generation to the other is all sides of the truth, so that the older generation is not
sowing seeds that may wipe out their succeeding generations due to outright lies.
Family as a resource for Nation Building:
The family pillar do not just provide human resources for community and all other pillars, but help raise
the kind of resource that we see all over our communities today. How do we treat public good? Do we
have a buy in and encourage our household so to do? The best place to teach values for public good or
disdain against our collective wastages is at home. If we fail so to do, correcting the wrongs of society
from individual points, then, our society may still find it hard to break even.
Imagine a situation where every family units truly become custodians of not just our values but our
public good too. It is doable.
Examples also abounds around us, An American is raised first as an American, before any other
affiliation, right from his home.
The Crown Prince of Dubai in one of his books, wrote about how they have to make a decision of
sustaining the Dubai dream by getting the buy in of their female population and mothers to help with
such reorientation and maintaining the standard set, from home.
Finance, through the eyes of family:
Many times, during summer every year, there are pictures in the media of one important dignitary in
the Developed World or the other taking their children to start summer work.
At what stage do they need to start working, even if it has to be on volunteer basis? Do we still employ
the tough love options that ensure we don't give in to some of their requests, for their own good?
Many families don't have budgets or plans, and family budgets have nothing to do with income level but
transparency and accountability being taught from home.
How open are our family units about finances? We can start teaching accountability from the home by
being accountable, sticking with family budgets, children who learned how to delay gratification from
home, hardly ever forget such life changing lessons.
Do we have saving culture? We can introduce piggy bank saving options to our children to teach them
how to safe, plan towards a project, delay gratification and the joy of compound savings interest.
Do we involved our family members in our family projects? Or is it just mummy's project or daddy's
idea? Immediately the project idea is passed down as mummy’s idea or daddy’s project, the buy in from
the children into it as a family project is almost none existent, though they will enjoy the additional
goodies and pecks such additions, we have lost a golden opportunity both for bonding and learning vital
lessons that can’t be thought in schools.
The question is, how productive are our children? And by this question I do not intend to encourage
child labor or children street hawking.
The culmination of these aspects of our lives gives a ready-made mind, strong and capable, as resource
for stable societies.
Finance and the challenges of today makes it compulsory (almost) for both parents to work outside the
home, long hours away from home daily, etc, but we need to find time to bond together.
Every parent need to know when to change from being a parent to being a friend to one's children or as
a guardian. However, such transition becomes more difficult when we live in the same house but as
total strangers. That transition is not automatic, it evolves with time and growing up together.
It takes much more than gifts, good life etc, when trust is broken at home, it may take a life time to
heal, whatever you don't want to see in your child, please don't indulge in such.
Also, give them space to be who they want to be, don't suffocate them with pampering. Discuss their
issues, let them be free to come to daddy about anything, let them know Mummy isn't too busy to listen
to what they have to say.
We can't over emphasize the issues of healthy families, we need to raise healthy and stable people from
that unit, for our society to be great.
There are things we can do for ourselves, there are issues that we need professionals to help us through,
whatever stage your family is at, I pray for health and wellness in every area of our family life.
If we truly seek a better country, we need to make our home fronts healthy, change our narratives
about Nigeria and show exemplary leadership or followership – at home.
Those embezzling from the public till today, are from a family, they have spouses, children, siblings,
parents, friends etc…
This Pillar includes every individual, married or single, because one way or the other, we are influencing
Our society is the way it is today, because of the huge decay of this very important pillar.
What moral values are your children learning from home? Are there boundaries in human engagement
that they MUST not cross? Do they see you live by the code you preach to them every time?
Family life is such with daily sacrifices, lessons, explanations, corrections, forgiveness and serving, all
role into one.
We can’t over stress issues around family pillar, to me, it is the most important pillar, if we fail at this
pillar, society fails and the world will feel the negative impacts of such failures, so to reclaim our nation
from impending total collapse, we have to deliberately reclaim our families, and by so doing, we are
rescuing humanity from total jeopardy.
Having such a unique family starts from being a good person, as an individual going into marriage,
choosing a partner who shares such marital commitment and both working at their marriage, values and
This is NOT a manual for marriage, but a pointer to what family units can and should contribute to
Nations are failing, because family units have been neglected.
To be continued…
May Nigeria Succeed.